Life

Today, I’m thankful for my life. The last four years have been the hardest, most awkward, confidence crippling, and exhausting years of my life. But they are four years that God said I got to have.

See, four years ago, I almost bled to death. 

All summer I’d struggled with lack of energy. Fiercely. My menstrual cycle had been even more aggressive than usual, but I’d grown so accustomed to all of it and just plodded on. Boy did I feel like a wimp every time I had to slow down and catch my breath, struggling to get the wagon of stuff across a field for tournaments. I couldn’t believe how bad it was when I mowed the fenced-in part of my yard – I couldn’t finish and went inside and almost passed out. Just walking across my living room, I had to sit down and wait a minute.

When October rolled around and the the heavy bleeding continued ALL MONTH LONG, I knew I needed to get to the doctor. The day after my appointment, I got a call from the office. Her instruction?  Get to the hospital – immediately – for a blood transfusion.

To say I was not expecting that would be an understatement. Once I was admitted (totally didn’t know that would happen) and was getting everything started, the nurse looked at my file and calmly exclaimed, “Wow. A 6. It’s really hard to sustain life at that level.”

In case you don’t know, a normal level on the hemoglobin scale is 12-18. Although our body is amazing at restoring its blood levels on its own, my body just couldn’t keep up. My doctor said the only reason I hadn’t gone into shock and died was because my body had been able to adapt to the slow steady loss over time, but it was critical.

My issue was underplayed at the time. That’s just kind of my way, plus all the focus was elsewhere. I imagine many didn’t even really know it was a thing – or any big thing, at least. So, I had my transfusion, drove us to Wichita and back for a fundraiser, got sick, researched treatment plans for Thadd, had surgery, implemented our plan, and did everything I could to take care of my husband through the end of his life. And I’d do it all over again.

But today, four years later, I’m acutely aware of the fact that I almost died, but God wasn’t finished with me yet. He’s been gentle and gracious with me during an excruciating season of grief. He’s allowed me to heal, to just be, and to grow. He’s been building a new me from the pieces that remained; He’s still fashioning new pieces and refining this me. And I’m thankful that I get to keep learning and growing and sharing – living.

So today, I’m thankful for MY life. It isn’t perfect and definitely isn’t what I thought it would be at this season of life, but I get to live it and I get to discover what new things God has for me. One of the things I’m discovering is that I’m excited to discover the new. So, here’s to each new day, and to the new.

#loveonpurpose and #liveyourfaithboldly

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