Most people would agree that it is healthy and expected that a widow/widower will talk about their late spouse. At the same time, such talk seems to make hearers uncomfortable. Friends and family will even assume that the widow/widower is stuck, not “moving on”, and still actively grieving.
Changing the conversation from passive to active. Instead of asking what we need or telling us to “let you know if…”, offer to come:
When a widow is steeped in the fog of grief, it is not your job or responsibility to pull them out. That is not what they need. A widow needs time to feel and grieve and process.